January 29, 2011

captain excellent

i'm watching paper man right now. i guess it's supposed to be about a confused writer who moved to montauk (where there is nothing). nothing in nothing. i feel like nothing. i'm supposed to be very excited this time of month. chinese new year and my birthday is approaching and i haven't been a tad happy about it. well maybe except yesterday, when my mom and grandma realized it was my chinese birthday. (i'm supposed to be 18 if i lived in china, cool shit right?!)

i guess i should write about my week now. i never feel like doing it, especially if it's been an unproductive, lame week. firstly, let me notify you that the third or fourth heavy blizzard this winter dumped itself on us this week. what did i do monday? don't remember. tuesday, i went to school when noone else did and retook the trig regents. no pressure, because my art teacher of three years was my proctor and there were only five kids in the room, probably approximately 20 people in the entire building. wednesday, nothing, i didn't expect to do anything, it was my first real day off during the break. i had a specific schedule for thursday, i even went to bed early. but no, that was when the heavy snow fell on us and the mayor for once decided to close schools and not prepare the city for it, which was unusual because it wasn't a normal school day for high school students so doing that really drove us insane. friday, i walked to and from the mall with amanda, didn't buy anything, just needed to do something. i wore very weather-inappropriate shoes for the walk, which almost resulted me in multiple deaths. after swearing ninety-nine percent of the way, i zombie-walked home alone because i lost amanda on the way and i was so furious, i just couldn't express it. i finished all my written homework, the only assignments left, i have to go out and buy. ugh

i watched csi all week though. and in conclusion of my on/off marathon, decided i should work hard in chemistry for real because working in forensics would actually be nice. i don't' want to be a crime scene investigator, i want be a lab rat, as a trace technician, mainly because i have the abilities minus chemistry knowledge to be one and that i can't handle death. that's another story.
so now, i'm going to upload my 52weeks photo to display how nothing i am this week and watch this weird movie.

January 28, 2011

my 5 year old sister and i

just had a legit conversation about CSI.
her favorite character is wendy (bc she's a girl), mine are nick and hodges
(because they're so chill).

January 26, 2011


some doodles + sketches such as here
in moleskine:

behind a report card:

in a planner:

doodler at heart because i hate drawing, especially with graphite

January 22, 2011

January 20, 2011

wait up you never get nervous anymore

a few photos from this day

i developed this roll on monday. didn't get around to uploading it till now because of finals. i totally (insert more appropriate word than raped) them, that's how i feel. oh wait, i didn't get to take my chemistry final yet. story is.. here we go. i am obviously jinxed with waking up on time during any day that has to do with chemistry. it's my first class.. i'm always late because i live over an hour away. i woke up hella late today. i started walking down the bus station line hoping i would catch the bus along the way and not waste my time at the same time. the bus comes when i'm nearing the subway and i feel for some dunkin donuts breakfast. nope, the line is loaded with st edmunds kids. frustrated, i speedwalk to the subway cursing in my head. every few stops, the train halts and the most annoying automated announcement comes on blablablalbaDELAYED, TRAIN TRAFFIC AHEADblablalbalbal. i'm standing too, which never happens to me, i always got a seat because i was usually early but no. i'm standing there trying to study for my last final of the week and trying to balance myself and not fall over when the train accelerates. this was the longest delay this year. some accident happened apparently. i don't care what happened, my chem teacher doesn't care what happened, i needed to get my ass at school pronto. well i don't get to lincoln center until nine something. i began debating whether to even go to class or to make up the final or some other excuse and then liz came out of nowhere. and then allyson came out of nowhere. we came from three different subways, all together delayed. i was so ready for this final! well, i'll bring it down tomorrow.

i'm super tired from today. i only had one class and was dismissed at 11:30am. what the hell was i gonna do?, shopping! yes, alone. it's depressing but everyone else was at school and i wasn't going to go home and do nothing. instead, i went to herald square and schlopped around then to the mall near home. i was walking for five hours straight. i wanted to drop dead. so i bought a lemonade! that doesn't cure anything by the way. i was just thirsty.

i have to go to sleep reeeal early tonight, because school is on regular schedule now that finals are over. the only thing to worry about after tomorrow is the trig regent and then i'm rolling out. my god, it needs to stop snowing like really, stop. snowing. spring, i am calling you out. i love you.

January 14, 2011

beautiful calm driving deep sea pearl diving

yes, i'm in a sia mood again. it's almost midnight on this very friday, and i'm gnawing on my last kit kat bar while the mtv skins party is going on. i could have invited myself for sleigh bells, oh wait i did, but it's not worth waiting out 10 at night in 12 degree weather among ten thousand other people in a warehouse on a dock that nobody's heard of. this week has been absolutely dreadful. my eyeballs want to crawl deep into my sockets and hibernate there forever. this was my last minute week, the week where i stress over trying to put everything in school together before finals and the next semester. never again.

tuesday, i did not go to chem (already failed a resolution) because i simply overslept. i was not looking forward to anything but a snow day for wednesday. nobody gave a fuck if it was going to be 8 inches, nobody wanted to go to school. so that day i went to soho myself looking for a birthday present for noa, which is not avaliable in stores so i kind of wasted my time. didn't really care because i knew i wasn't going to school wednesday.

wednesday, i was actually prepared to go to school. my two alarms went off, turned them off and never woke up again until my sister got up. when i heard her return to her room after her alarm and didn't make any noise, i assumed it was a snow day and made myself comfortable in bed again. two hours after my alarm my mom assures me that the mta and schools are opened. for the next twenty minutes, i just laid in bed wondering and fantasizing about all the student's angry reactions toward bloomberg. awful awful. i woke up again at one and don't remember doing anything except watching all good things. confusing movie, but it kinda helped further the case to people who aren't aware of this missing person.

thursday, was noa's birthday. the school expected robert de niro as a visitor, alumni of course! my photography teacher got all ready and nervous for his arrival. i left for the bathroom once and when i came back, she got excited, aww. he never showed up in our class and broke out tender hearts. that focker. but he did visit my other teacher, who is extremely fond of famed people, but she acted if it was no big deal to us. afterschool, the mta decided to stall every train going to brighton. normally, i wouldn't care and chat away the time but i had a timed schedule for completing my homework and preparing my portfolio in one night and such and dis bitch goes ahead and stops functioning. the bus ride home took just as long. i got home at eight, leaving me two hours to do everything including dinner and shower before the time i should go to bed. i stayed up till 12.

friday, i surprisingly woke up early and got to school on time, AND.. wait for it, went to first period! wuttt i kno lol first time this week. reg ol day, except volleyball. it was aggressive and i cried so hard from laughter. i don't even know, you had to be there. now i'm at home, typing with my droopy eyes, while some losers are partying like losers for a loser show about losers okay.

something i feel bad about: after my first photoessay roll, i thought i would complete at least two color rolls of film before the next photoessay roll because i had plans but no, a certain somebody likes to crush promises. therefore, i'm going to get a lower grade because i currently have color film on my ae-1, fourteenth frame, and i refuse to waste it away. the film, the processing, etc costs money, this photoessay doesn't. i'd rather get a lower grade and explain why. other than that, i'm going to try to finish it this weekend, and start that damn roll.

hope your week was just as fine.

January 10, 2011

let's not fight, i'm tired, cant we just sleep tonight?

(photo from summer 2010)

soon we'll be found - sia
our grand central plan was off. allys and kp had to finish a test (on conference day!), buggers. so i went to time warner and looked at cards waiting for them. we went to magnolia bakery afterward, such a yummy place. kp is going to apply for a job there, i might too. it's really close to school and their atmosphere is so delicious and the employees are so friendly. after satisfying our sweet tooth, we walked to columbus circle for the train. i noticed a crowd outside the empire hotel, of course gossip girl filming. allyson and katherine the "drama majors" they are, went up so close to the set, it wasn't allowed. i was eavesdropping what the brazilian fangirls behind me were saying while waiting for my legs to numb out from the cold. i couldn't understand portuguese but they definitely were not from the neighborhood. the cold took over and we left, we didn't see anyone. i don't even watch this show anymore. none of us do. we stopped by chace's trailer and we chatted up with Q, chace and blake's bodyguard. how suddenly cool are we? he basically gave us a friendly lecture about what his job is. the conversation between the two were so long, i'm sure he'll recognize us next time. the things they talked about.. blake's favorite cake. what

January 9, 2011

sunday settings

i fell asleep at 2am last night doing homework. and then i woke up in the middle of the night because i had a foot cramp. i had a weird dream that i only recalled when i woke up this afternoon. i wish i didn't forget, because it had allyson and one of my elementary friends in it. so far after getting out of bed, i ate brunch alone, ignored my brother for a whole thirty minutes when he asked for soda, and in my sunday sweats i reminisced some instax photos, including one i took last night of my very unorganized closet, and then took some sunday photos to show you guys how my life is on this very afternoon (boring). it's too cold to go outside, but i'm glad that i finally shot in natural daylight after such a long time.

yesterday, i went to get my new prescription for my glasses. it's actually really sad for me when i have to go to the optometrist. it only reminds me that my eyesight is getting even worse. i'll probably be blind in a few decades. tomorrow (i notice i never use the word tomorrow here), i will be going on an adventure at grand central with allyson. (gee, it is strange to tell you guys my plans). i'm gonna leave it there, it's no fun to tell everything. sooo, i have to finish some chemistry homework, .. and then maybe watch tv.. i should clean my closet but i'm lazy. i'm so glad the sun is out.

January 7, 2011

pride + prejudice + exhaustion

this movie. it makes you fall in love with love. i just finished completing it for the second time, sixth time watching from the beginning, in the past month. it was required for my british literature class, which is why i'm so into it right now. it was on my list to read but i was never given that push to actually read it until it was mandated this semester. i also just finished the book today. i have to confess that i do not like the endings in neither the book nor movie. the alternate north american ending in the movie is cute and romantic but i was little disappointed in the one in the book. my friend elizabeth also noticed that jane austen never wrote about their weddings in detail, which would have been entertaining but i probably would not have included it either.

as a wannabe film critic, one of my favorite genres ever are old century england films, along with ones about life and teenagers by john hughes. yeah, i guess i have a thing for romance. i also have a thing for shark movies too. though the kind of movies i am absolutely never fond of are the ones where real life animals talk. it bugs me that animals besides parrots and dolphins are able to communicate like humans. it freaks me out and if i were ever forced to watch one, i'd be bothered by the moving mouths than the animation.

anyhow, it snowed today. i was pretty mad that when i left the house this morning there wasn't snow on the ground until i got on the subway. then when i was in school looking out at the view of this five inch snow shower, i just began to hate snow so much. i might have posted that snow is beautiful and whatnot and yes it is, but only when i'm not in school. i wore the wrong shoes for this kind of weather and it would ruin afterschool plans. therefore, we went straight home even though it wasn't snowing, nor were there any fresh snow on the ground, it all melted. i was also reminded today about retaking regents in two weeks. i lied and told my teacher that i was definitely ready to take it. why the fuck should one ever say that especially with a 65, 66, 73, and an 89 on tests. i'm actually really fucked and i blame all of this to my trig teacher last year. i can't even rant about how awful he was and how much all this is his fault because this is a public blog. whatever.

i don't know what to do right now. i'm tired but i want to watch a movie or talk to someone. the one person i've had in mind to talk to doesn't talk to me anymore, so that's out. i don't have a 52week photo from the weekdays because this week has been horrid and slow and dreadful and exhausting even though i've had about three subs, watched two movies, and one preview in the course. i don't have the energy to try for one right now either, or to complete the assignment for club. i wish i had a laptop again. i would watch movies and talk to people on my bed and fall asleep in the middle of it. i wish it was summer.

January 4, 2011

making it to Radar

on tumblr is no big deal. i mean how often does this happen:
seriously though. i thank tumblr and everyone for the messages and comments and follows and etc. they mean so so much. i created this tumblr initially for inspiration and self-motivation for myself. posting and sharing what i find has obviously opened a new window. well i just wanted to make a post thanking all that i can give. now if people in school would notice me.. LOLWHUTJK

okay i have to do my homework now.

January 2, 2011


everyone hates sundays. i hate sundays because the ominous of the ominous occurs on me. it's like bad luck day. besides the fact that i have to complete, prepare, and freak out before the next school day, bad things happen to me at home.

if i wake up late, which i did today, i don't fall asleep till much later than normal. last night, i cleaned every corner of my room except one which doesn't matter, so i was satisfied with my life when i went to bed. today i woke up to my mom accusing me of misplacing a large scarf my grandma made for me. i wanted to strangle something because my mother took that scarf weeks ago and said she would attach a button onto it, but instead i saw it lying around in her room afterward. i yell back that she took it and she's all what are you crazy i didn't take it. and then i slept for another five minutes and woke up to my brother yelling and screaming and not shutting the fuck up downstairs. i got out of bed and took a soft slipper and threw it down the stairs. after brunch, i walked to the photo lab and checked in two rolls of film (color!). i was so excited and happy, i didn't care that my boots were killing my toes. this new guy was there, i guess i don't usually go there on sundays, and he didn't ask for a deposit (which is nice). i always go to this lab but the last time i went there, they exposed all the frames i took of my friends and i was angry. forgive and forget, i went back today and the guy seemed nice so i assume he would take care of the film better. i also noticed today that their prices for film on the board were covered with a piece of paper. i never looked on that wall before but since it was covered, it made me wonder if i was the only person who submitted film there (probably).

when i came back, i found burnt black awful inedible cookies straight out of the oven. if my mom was trying to make them edible, she should start following recipes (she did this with cake on christmas). then she made waffles, which were oily and hard. i go back to the photo lab two hours later to pick up my film, every part of me smiling and being all happy sappy. i take out my receipt and the dude is like "sorry i forgot to tell you before but the machine isn't working right now i forgot i should have told you before i forgot to tell you". my face was all uhhhh huh okay. walking another nine blocks back home, i was disappointed but i get to pick them up tomorrow. i better have every frame printed or punk things will happen. i camera whore for a while back home trying to get a 52weeks photo because i thought the film could be in place for it but no. after that, i stepped on a tiny piece of glass in my room, which was weird because i clearly cleaned every corner of my room yesterday. i haven't had something actually sticking out of the sole of my foot for years. the last time i did, i stepped on plastic and it left a huge cut on my foot. my heel was bleeding everywhere, this tiny cut was a deep cut. blood on the new rug, on the floor, on my jeans and then my mom comes running in with bandaids and cleanser and oil like i'm about to die.

i initially didn't want to write a post because i knew it would take a lot of time. i still have to create a character for a class, pack, make lunch, find an outfit, shower, and take a little sat prep. i don't care if i fall asleep in school tomorrow. i hate sundays and mondays and january and school.

ps: i also tried to log on to my dead myspace today because the first photo reminds me of a moose photo i took (in middle school?) which was like my favorite default ever. and i know i won't be able to find it anywhere except on my laptop (which is dead), my old phone (which is dead) or my myspace. i have absolutely no clue what my email or password is and it's driving me a litttttle crazy

pps: happy new year!